Every type has arrows of integration and disintegration -integration being how you grow, disintegration being how you shrink into dysfunction. And we borrow these patterns from other types. So I’m continuing my Four series with some figurative archery.
- Integration: When I am growing, I become more like a healthy One – viewing my emotions more objectively and acting more on principle.
- Disintegration: When unhealthy, I take on negative tendencies of the Two – clinging to people for affirmation of significance.
Read more about the arrows of integration and disintegration here.
Whichever type you integrate towards disintegrates towards you.
Example: My oldest sister is a One. So, in knowing that, I can see positive traits in her that I can naturally attain in health – objectivity, morality. When healthy, I can look at my emotions as a valuable source of information rather than a source of objective truth. And now I can understand her frustration with me over the years a bit better now. When she saw my issues, she saw herself in disintegration – moody, melancholic. Few things can be as frustrating to a One as seeing things that they don’t like in themselves. So, without going too deep into the details, I’ve been able to be more gracious with her frustration towards me, even as she has grown a ton in being patient with me.
Concerning disintegration – An interesting and disingenuous trait of an unhealthy Two (my path of disintegration) is the tendency to serve & love others in order to receive love in return. I used to do this as a child. I would bring my siblings and their friends hot cocoa, or ice cream. They were always happy to see me when I was bringing them food or drinks, so that’s why I did it. I thought they would like me and want me around if I served them.
I’ve been cognizant to pursue a life of service that doesn’t expect anything in return; that does not manipulate with love. Even as a child, I didn’t expect anything in return, but that doesn’t mean my motives were pure. I wasn’t looking out for the best interests of others – I merely wanted them to like me. That, my friend, is a dangerous arrow.
More to come on the fixation and passion of the Four…