Enneagram 4 Wing 5

Each type has two wings, with one usually being stronger than the other. Those wings will be the numbers immediately adjacent to the dominant type. For example, as a Four, my wing will either be a 3 or 5. I cannot be a Four wing Nine, as much as I want to be and as strong as my Nine tendencies are. (I definitely told a few people I was  a Four wing Nine until I understood wings. *facepalm* ) 

That being said, I am most definitely a Four wing Five (sometimes called “The Bohemian”), if you haven’t guessed from the title of this post. I lean towards the intellectual and withdrawn.

I have borrowed the following information on 4w5s from the EnneaApp. Check it out. I’ll italicize that which resonates

  • Drive for expression of unique self leads to a quest of mental analysis
  • Is pleased to be different from the “ordinary;” self-interest is dominant
  • Get lost in fantasy that appears real; comfortable with life’s dark side
  • Elitist and eccentric; defiant of convention; can push the edge of sanity
  • More introverted; not quite as interested in image/acceptance as 4w3

Of course, we are responsible for our actions, so I cannot be elitist, self-absorbed, lost in fantasy land on the edge of sanity and dismiss it with saying, “That’s just the way I am.” No. Nope. I don’t even want to. The great gift of the Enneagram is to show us ourselves in the mirror, so we can move towards health. A wise man once said that our personalities are what show up when we don’t

On the bright side, being a Four wing Five means I get to enjoy not being so concerned with image. I prefer to dress for comfort and genuine self-expression (not trying to be or please someone else).

While I am happy to be different from “ordinary,” I have learned to embrace some sameness. There is a time and place to express my little quirks, and there are perfectly acceptable times and places to adapt to my surroundings. I’ll save my map of Middle Earth sweatshirt for the former.  ๐Ÿ˜‰ 

I could talk more, but I am also learning to limit the analysis. I’d be happy to talk more in the comments. I’ll also talk a little more about my 5 wing when I review Sleeping At Last’s podcast later. ๐Ÿ™‚

If you are a 4w5, I’d love to know if you relate to any of this, and what your experience is! Feel free to ask questions related to the post as well. Comment below!

Four! pt3

Passion: Envy / Fixation: Melancholy

Part 3 of a series of posts I am doing on my Enneagram type. Read the intro here.

That really threw me off. When I started reading type descriptions, I resonated with so much of the Four, but… Envy? I don’t consider myself to bean envious person. So to understand this passion, I had to take a step back.

Before I continue, let’s define passion and fixation briefly. The “passion” is often described as the deadly sin of the type, and the fixation is the method by which one justifies or feeds the passion. Some will contest to that terminology, but that is the general understanding. Either way, it’s cyclical. For example, envy feeds melancholy which in turn produces more envy. 

I don’t envy what people have materially so much as their confidence and ease of social interaction. Their will-power and appearance of comfort within their own skin. But even more than all that, most of my experience of “envy” is intangible. It is better encapsulated by the word “longing.” And when I focus so much on what I don’t have, that’s where the tendency towards melancholy comes in (gloomy or depressive state of mind). 

What do you do with that? Generally, I try to remember that I am not alone in my feeling of lack. A good friend of mine once told me after witnessing my desperation, “You don’t need more of Jesus than anyone else.” And that was supremely comforting. Whether my need is more or less visible, it is in the same measure that all humanity needs Jesus. 

On that note, here is a song ๐Ÿ™‚ – All We Need is Need – Jimmy Needham. 

So instead of fighting this need, I can see it as an invitation to go deeper.

To quote The Classic Crime, “My heart’s a hole that needs to constantly be filled with love.” And that can feel debilitating, because we know that people can’t provide that constant flow of love. We are limited, finite creatures who cannot fill an infinite need. 

We were made to be filled with infinite love from an infinite Savior. This overwhelming longing and need are not signs that there is something wrong. Rather, it is supposed to be this way. God has blessed me repeatedly with the weight of my need so I turn to Him to satisfy me continually.

“If I find in myself desires which nothing in this world can satisfy, the only logical explanation is that I was made for another world.”

C.S. Lewis – Mere Christianity

And when I see that my human companions don’t satisfy my longing for love, I can thank God. My friends are wonderful people, but they make very poor gods. And placing them on that pedestal, asking them to fill me, will only destroy us both. They would either become crushed by the demand, or their egos would become inflated with self-importance. And I would be as desperate as ever, prone to despair; still unsatisfied, scrambling for love and acceptance when it’s already mine if I would only look into the hands of my Savior. 

Let’s go back to the passion, which I will call longing rather than envy. I can keep it from flowing into melancholy if I find it’s fulfillment/purpose in Jesus. 

I can take the weight off my friends and family, and let the Only One who can carry it do that for me. I can free those relationships to be places of peace and mutual care. And I can take the weight off of me. I don’t have to feel ashamed because of my need. I have a Savior who took that shame for me, and He doesn’t hold back His love for me when I ask. 

Four What? Part 1

A few of you who know me might know I’ve been studying the Enneagram. <Click that link to learn more.

And for those who know what that is and are interested, I’d like to dive more into what my personal experience as a Four (my number) looks like. If you can relate, feel free to comment!

The Ouch

They say that you can tell which type you are by reading the descriptions and the one that hurts the most is probably you. The following are excerpts from The Enneagram Institute on type Four that especially resonate painfully with me. Oh joy.

“Fours feel that they are unlike other human beings, and consequently, that no one can understand them or love them adequately.”

Fours often report that they feel they are missing something in themselves, although they may have difficulty identifying exactly what that ‘something’ is. Is it will power? Social ease? Self-confidence? Emotional tranquility?โ€”all of which they see in others, seemingly in abundance… They feel that they lack a clear and stable identity, particularly a social persona that they feel comfortable with.”

“They may feel socially awkward or self-conscious, but they deeply wish to connect with people who understand them and their feelings.”

Fours typically have problems with a negative self-image and chronically low self-esteem.

Indeed, Fours can become so attached to longing and disappointment that they are unable to recognize the many treasures in their lives.

As long as they believe that there is something fundamentally wrong with them, they cannot allow themselves to experience or enjoy their many good qualities. To acknowledge their good qualities would be to lose their sense of identity (as a suffering victim) and to be without a relatively consistent personal identity (their Basic Fear). Fours grow by learning to see that much of their story is not trueโ€”or at least it is not true any more.”

Ooooo… reading that hurts, and I want to add my personal take (which I will get to). Yet, I think I would do a disservice to those reading by adding more explanation here. So, let’s continue down this rabbit hole a little further first, shall we? Stay tuned. I’ll do more than just quote another site.

In the meantime, take a test or read the descriptions on The Enneagram Institute (link above). If you need more of a positive spin, I’ve written a bit about tips for growth for my type (4)ย here.